Let's ship!
by TCBN
Summary: Wendy and Stan have broken up. Kyle has asked Alex to help Stan get a new girl. The problem is, Wendy asked her to make Stan reconcile with Wendy. (straight pairings) What the hell will Alex do? who will fall for who? (Vote your ships NOW! or forever hold your peace)
1. Shattering couples

Wendy was crying heavily wiping her nose with her sleeve. Bebe and Alex surrounded Wendy sitting on the table outside the school.

"Stan broke up with me" Wendy sniffed

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" Alex caught her breath; she didn't know what to say

"Why?" Bebe blinked

"He said I was a bossy bitch" Wendy sniffed, "he walked up to me and BROKE me!"

_"Stan, don't break up with me!" Wendy cried, stepping behind Alex and Kyle for protection against Stan's glare. _

_"I have to, Wendy" Stan said, "I'm over you! You've done nothing but get offended and boss me around!"_

_"Why don't we talk about this a little more private" Wendy hissed, leaping out the way of Kenny's lingering hand_

_"No" Stan stood in Wendy's personal space, "I'm breaking up with you, Now."_

_"Ugh!" Wendy, a hot tear splashing down her cheek, snatched Alex by the arm and barreled in Bebe's direction, sitting on the bench._

"Look, I'm in an awkward situation, they're my friends" Alex was just about to get up, not sure what to do.

"WHO'SE side are you on!" Wendy shouted, forcing Alex to sit back down

"Neither!" Alex cried

"Wait, that's it!" Wendy shot up, cheese and marmite sandwich flying to the ground from her lap.

"Uh" Alex froze on the table, not sure if to run or sprint

"You're one of their friends!" Wendy jeered, "Alex, I need you to get Stan to love me again!"

000

Alex sat with the guys, chewing her lip in utter confuzzlement.

"What did she say?" Stan said, hugging a coffee thermos he had pinched from Tweek

"Ah, usual girl stuff. She bitched about you" Alex shrugged, lying

"Oh" Stan groaned, gulping down the contents of the coffee, under the glare of Tweek.

"Can I have my coffee back" Tweek asked, you just snatched it from me without asking.

"I need it" Stan spat, throwing the empty thermos down onto the snow

"Stan, you shouldn't take your anger out on other people" Alex said, picking the thermos up and giving it to Tweek who scurried off.

"Hey, Alex, can I talk to you for a minute?" Kyle tapped Alex on the shoulder

"Sorry she dumped your ass" Kenny said to Stan, "for another ass"

Alex got up and walked over to Kyle who paused, staring at Alex for a few minutes.

"You're our best friend" Kyle started, "You're the girls best friend somehow"

"Yeah?" Alex crossed her arms

"I need you to get Stan a new girl! I can't stand when Stan is so depressed and when Wendy rubs it in his face"

Alex could do nothing but blink in astonishment, "what?"

"It will work!" Kyle grinned, "It has to! You have the best access to girl matching with Stan!"

"I'll see what I can do" Alex shrugged, voice quiet

Alex slowly sipped from a can of Dr Pepper, staring at the other side of the booth she sat in. Kyle sat on the opposite end, munching on a cream cheese bagel.

"Who do you think are the best options?" Kyle said, "with out destroying the dynamics of our group?"

"Well" Alex said aloud, "Heidi?"

"Too short" Kyle swallowed

"Red?" Alex offered

"Huge bitch" Kyle shrugged

"There's Bebe" Alex pointed the can of soda upwards

"She's a carbon copy of Wendy!" Kyle laughed

"Rebecca?" Alex blinked

"Poor social skills" Kyle licked a lob of cheese off his finger

_ Me? _Alex couldn't help but think

"How about" Kyle cringed, "Ah"

"Who do you have in mind?" Alex leaned forward

"Bebe!" Kyle jeered

"You didn't even-" Alex paused, "—she's a carbon copy of Wendy"

"Not really" Kyle shrugged, "Give the lady a shot"

"Shouldn't you assign Kenny to this job?" Alex asked

"I don't think Stan wants a prostitute" Kyle deadpanned


	2. broken shards

Tall Goth rolled his eyes as Stan walked in their direction, head bowed.

"Wendy broke up with you, again?" Tall Goth muttered, taking a very long drag from a cigarette

"Y- yeah" Stan shrugged, "Can I hang out with you guys?"

"You're not a real Goth, kid" Tall Goth said, "You may drink coffee and mope about your heart break but really, YOU broke up with her"

"It's just" Stan sniffed, "I'm not used to being so alone!"

"Well for all I know, Wendy your conformist girlfriend is probably crying on her light pink couch eating a pint of ice-cream in her pajamas!" Kinder Goth snapped

"I need a beer" Stan murmured, walking away, to Kenny who waited at the front of the school.

"Stan?" Kenny looked at his friend, "Are you okay?"

"Let's have a beer" Stan mumbled

"Sure" Kenny smiled, leading the way to the bar

Once they sat at the bar table, once Kenny exchanged money for a pint of beer, Stan started to cry.

"Stan?" Kenny blinked, holding two frothy overflowing glasses of _Pure Blonde_ beer.

"Wendy used to drink this beer" Stan sniffled, taking the pint from Kenny, "It was her favourite"

"O- Oh I didn't know" Kenny was about to go back for another, more manly beer such as _Fat Yack_

"D- Don't worry" Stan gulped a large mouthful of beer, causing him to clutch his chest and excuse himself after making a loud burp.

"Don't drink like that" Kenny said

"Hey, fu- fuhck off man" Stan sighed, taking another gulp, "That fat bitch dumped ME"

"No, you dumped him" Kenny whispered

"Well fuck her!" Stan shouted, "Who ever dumped who, It hurts like someone drilling a power tool up your-"

"Why don't we discuss something else?" Kenny took a sip of beer, only to see Stan stand up, swipe his pint and gulp it all down.

Wendy wiped her nose with her pajama sleeve, Alex watching her as she lifted the chocolate mud cake flavored Ben and Jerries' ice-cream tub to her lap, took out a table spoon and smacked it into the hard surface, curling herself a mouthful.

"Wendy, are you sure this isn't a little over the top?" Alex asked

"I just broke up with my boyfriend, Alex! You won't ever understand!" Wendy sucked the ice cream off the spoon

"Well, crying in front of the TV with a pint of ice-cream isn't really the best option for you" Alex shrugged, "why don't we go outside, see a movie or ogle the new dress you spoke about last week?"

"Why don't YOU try find a new dude for me!" Wendy snapped, flicking melted droplets of ice cream onto Alex as Wendy smacked the spoon into the tub with force, angry.

"Wendy-" Alex started, slowly prying the defrosting pint from Wendy's wet hands, "Why don't you shower? It smells as if you've only showered last week"

"That's because I HAVE showered last week! Which was TWO DAYS ago!" Wendy said, causing Alex to laugh, stealing a mouthful of ice-cream that quickly gravitated to Wendy's lap and the spoon in her mouth.

"Please just go away!" Wendy shoved Alex off the couch, "come back another time"

Stan sat in the gutter, sipping from a freshly opened bottle of _corona_, tapping his feet, occasionally swearing under his breath as he swayed.

"Hey, dude" Alex greeted

"H- hi" Stan smiled at her, eyes bloodshot

"Oh god, the both of you are rally handling this badly" Alex sat with him

"Pfff!" Stan laughed, smacking the pavement in laughter, "I'm shure that she's fuckin' trying a new dress for a new line of whores to suck on her—"

"Why don't we find a cab" Alex said, "From the looks of things, you're not very

ah… stable on your feet"

"Go fuhck ya self, man!" Stan slurred, beer dripping off his chin.

"Why don't I take you home" Alex suggested

Stan scoffed, standing, taking one last sip of the corona and slamming it onto the pavement, falling over in the process, into the broken shards of glass. He screamed in agony as the glass slit into his skin.

"Ah fuck" Alex helped Stan up, saw bits of glass in his hands and face.

"Ah faahhh!" Stan wobbled, pretty much lying on Alex's shoulder.

Alex lead him to a bench, sat him down and slowly plucked out bits of glass from his face and hands, ignoring the occasional squirt of blood that made her want to gag.

"I've had… eyes on on.. othrr lashies" Stan admitted, not entirely with it.

"Huh" Alex plucked the last shard from his hand, looked up at his face turning green and screamed as a hail of puke showered into her face.

"Shiht man" Stan coughed, lying down on the bench

"Stan-" Alex began, "You should go home"

"No" Stan gagged, vomiting on the pavement once more, "Stay"

"How am I supposed to stay when you-" Alex blinked, watching Stan collapse, into his vomit unmoving.


	3. Target observation

Kyle, Kenny and Alex sat around Stan's hospital bed. Stan lay with his hands bandaged and a large set of stiches running along his chin.

"Dude" Kyle stared at Stan's down cast eyes and tear stained and bruised cheeks.

"I hate that bitch" Stan mumbled, wiping his eye with his paw of a bandage, "My head hurts"

"Well, you did smack a bottle onto the ground and fall in it" Kyle snapped, "You drank a near lethal dose"

"I shouldn't have taken you to a bar" Kenny shook his head, "I should've taken us to a movie or somewhere else"

"At least you're okay now" Alex said, spraying herself with more perfume. The smell of vomit still lingered in her hair

"I'm so sorry, Alex" Stan blushed slightly, "I can't believe you still think I'm your friend after that"

"You'd have to do something far worse to make me hate you" Alex laughed

"Dude, we're worried about you" Kyle spoke up, "You're not handling yourself well"

"I know" Stan pulled the thin white covers to his chin, "It's just that no matter how many times someone rips your heart out and feeds it to the sharks, it hurts as bad _every_ time"

Kyle touched Alex's hair, "I knew it wasn't you that smelled like a toilet"

"Thank you!" Alex spat sarcastically

"I barfed on Alex" Stan said quietly

"Ah you know that could be a sign" Kenny winked, "Stan vomits when he's in LORVE!"

Everyone rolled their eyes, Kyle nearly wanted to scream at Kenny.

"It was hangover and drinking vomit" Stan scoffed

The nurse arrived with dinner, which smelled worse than Alex's hair.

"Your dinner" Nurse said as she placed a bowl down "broth"

As soon as she left, Kenny stuck a finger in his throat, motioning gagging. Stan slowly lifted his hands up and swore.

"What's wrong, dude?" Kyle asked

"My hands are fucking bandaged" Stan shook his bandaged hands that looked like paws. Kyle went over to pick the bowl up to spoon feed him when Stan jerked his head up.

"Wendy's coming to visit, it will look really gay if she sees you doing it" Stan said

"She knows we're friends" Kyle said, "Nothing more. Besides she knows our orientations"

"It will give her something to BITCH about" Stan sighed, "Sorry, Alex, to burden you with the job but I'd rather the nurses _didn't_ do it"

"If you insist" Alex shrugged, lifting the bowl and picking up a spoon to serve.

"Okay, now you _two_ just look _cute_" Kenny snorted

"Well, fuck" Alex rolled her eyes, getting a second spoon, careful not to spill anything, "Who else is a better candidate than you? Making jokes with a spoon while feeding him isn't really going to be that funny"

Stan snorted at Alex's comment, spilling soup everywhere.

"This is fucking embarrassing, being reduced to this" Stan laughed, wiping his mouth with his paw of a bandage.

"I wouldn't fret" Alex lifted another spoon when the door burst open, causing Alex to jump, spilling the soup all over Stan in fright.

"AAAAHHH!" Stan screamed in agony as he got scalded with hot soup, seeing a figure fold its arms in the doorway.

"Oh fuck I am so sorry!" Alex gushed, leaping up, clearing away bits of noodle from Stan.

"Holy fuck you've burnt Stan so bad, you've given him a stiffy!" Kenny started laughing, jumping around, pointing

"And you ALREADY have a fucking girl looking after you!" Wendy snarled from the doorway

"Wendy!" Stan cried, skin turning bright red where the soup spilt on him, "It's definitely not wha-"

"Ugh, I've seen enough already!" Wendy snapped, turning on her heel

Stan lay back on his sodden bed, upset.

"Seriously, fuck her, you're single" Kenny shrugged, staring at the door in surprise

"Jeez, we need new bed sheets" Kyle muttered, pressing the NURSE button, "and dinner"

"Ah, free food!" Kenny laughed, plucking a piece of chicken from Stan's hair and into his mouth.

"Why do I need her when I have three comedians as friends" Stan laughed, unable to glare angrily as Kenny yanked another piece of chicken with a strand of hair attached, into his mouth. Alex got up, said she had to go home and shower. Just as she left the room, Kyle grabbed her hand.

"Alex" Kyle called, "Thanks for being a really nice friend to him"

"I" Alex turned around, "I dunno if I'm such a great candidate to play matchmaker. We should let it happen naturally"

"Yeah" Kyle looked, at his feet, "I guess so"

000

Wendy sat on a bench, not sure why there was a faint smell of booze around. It did explain the broken and bloody shards in a bin nearby.

"Hey, Wendy!" Bebe sang, leaping to Wendy's side, a wide smile appearing on her face, "I just thought of the most sexiest man"

"Who?" Wendy stared at her friend, blowing a bubble with her bubblegum

"He's soooo adorbs" Bebe smiled, "he was right under our nose! And we didn't know!"

"Who is it?" Wendy stared

"Kyle!" Wendy smiled, jumping in her seat, "The cutest"

"So I shouldn't try get Stan back?" Wendy blinked

"Nah" Bebe swatted the air, "get new meat to play with"

"Yeah, I guess" Wendy smiled gleefully, "I might do that"


	4. chances

Alex sat at the cafeteria, crushing her second can of Dr Pepper when Wendy arrived.

"Alex!" Wendy chimed, "Oh I have something wonderful to tell you?"

"You two are back together?" Alex asked

"No" Wendy stood before her, "I just know Kyle's into me"

"You can't date Kyle" Alex automatically said, "He said he doesn't like you"

"Well, I'll see about that, love" Wendy laughed, sauntering off

"No, I can get someone like Token!" Alex ran after Wendy, only to run straight into a door that suddenly closed. Regaining her balance and opening the door, she looked around the halls, unsure where Wendy went.

Kyle looked up from his game of tetherball with Stan, newly out of his bandages and Kenny. Wendy waved animatedly at the group. Kyle had somehow lost his hat this morning so he wasn't sure if Wendy had mistaken Kyle for Alex.

"Hey, Kyle" Wendy walked over, "can I join?"

"Stan, do you mind if your X joins in?" Kenny asked

"Jesus what happened to your face!" Wendy screamed, staring at the now faint cuts and bruises on Stan's face and hands.

"And you're a pleasure to speak to?" Stan blinked, nearly throwing the ball in her face.

Wendy sighed, turned to Kyle and smiled sweetly, "should we do something after school?"

"Ah, I'm studying with a friend tonight" Kyle shrugged

"Can't you set aside homework for ONE night?" Wendy pleaded

"They're not actually going to study" Kenny whispered to Stan who had on a blank expression.

"No, dude" Kyle shook his head, taking the tetherball, "but you can still play tetherball."

"Fine, if you see how fun I am to be around, you'll reconsider tonight?" Wendy teased

"Perhaps" Kyle shot the ball, and they all joined on.

"Wendy, would you like top to TGI Fridays with me?" Kenny asked, a genuine smile on his face, "I won't make any jokes"

"Eugh" Wendy covered her mouth in utter embarrassment, "I- I- I mean that would… yeah.. sure"

Kenny did nothing but smile, showing his crooked teeth, "great!"

Stan blinked in confusion. Why was Kenny asking Wendy out on a Thursday to TGI Fridays? Something clicked in his head and he snapped his mouth shut. The new owners of TGI Friday were even stupider than a dead fly. They were confused about opening times.

"Great!" Wendy huffed, turning to Kyle, "You HAVE to come, Kenny's going!"

"Sure" Kyle shrugged, batting the ball

"Lovely!" Wendy giggled, walking off, her heart fluttering in her chest

Stan slowly faced Kyle and Kenny, eyebrows way up high, eyes wide.

"Don't fret" Kenny laughed, "The footy game's still on"

"Oh phew" Stan smiled

Alex smiled as she sat on the couch that was surrounded with history books and geography books serving as stands to hold the Doritos and soda cans while the TV was on mute, playing the footy.

"Thank god your parents are out, then we'd have to fake study each three minutes" Alex laughed

"The minute the car pulls up, the TV is off" Kyle shrugged, "It's all planned"

"Have you ever heard" Kyle flicked a Dorito from the couch, "of sword fighting with Menorahs?"

"No?" Alex couldn't help but laugh, "Why?"

"Well, if one wanted to make teaching history to other kids more friendly, instead of guns, they switch the guns with Menorahs" Kyle laughed

"Oh, Mr Garrison's stuck with the burden of teaching ww2 to-" Alex realized, "and he banned the book from being taught to little kids as it's too traumatizing?"

"Yeah!" Kyle laughed, "Why can't he stick to the curriculum and make it all about creative analogies!"

"Seriously, you've been overhearing too many of Mr Garrison's rants" Alex snorted

"Okay enough with the school curriculum" Kyle laughed, turning on the TV volume, "my folks won't be back until ten. My mom texted me" Kyle threw the phone behind him.

"Jesus, look at the score!" Alex stared, "Stan must be having convulsions already!"

"Come on, Cows!" Kyle stood on the couch, jumping

"Oh look!, Tebwoing is becoming a meme!" Alex laughed as someone Tebowed on screen.

Stan and Kenny sat on Kenny's couch. Stan had just thrown a corn chip at the TV in frustration.

"PLAY" Stan snapped, ignoring Kenny who laughed at his anger, "Come ON Matthews!"

"Sit down! You'll annoy the neighbors!" Kenny munched on a chip, laughing

"Go Cows!" Stan jumped, Kenny jumped with him, "Cows!"

"SCREW YOU HURRICANES!" Kenny shouted

"Yeah!" Stan shouted, thrusting another chip at the screen, "Jesus!"

Someone knocked on the door, Stan dove behind the couch as Kenny opened the door.

"Dude" Kenny blinked, "I forgot to tell you TGI Fridays closes on Thursday"

"You asshole!" Wendy snapped, "No one told me!"

"I'm watching football" Kenny plucked a chip from his hood that managed to sail onto his head as he spoke.

"I hate football" Wendy muttered, "Did someone throw a chip at you?"

"Uh, my popcorn machine's broken" Kenny laughed, watching her scoff and walk outside. Kenny closed the door and continued hollering at the screen with Stan who threw more chips at the now greasy screen.

Wendy stormed down the pavement, blood raging in her veins as she stomped her way to Kyle's house. She yanked open the door, only to drop her jaw to the pit of hell and scream as she saw Alex and Kyle making out whole the footy blared in the background. both red faced, Kyle leapt off Alex in fright as he was expecting Sheila to barge in.


	5. Realise

Alex quickly yanked down her rumpled jumper that had ridden up, revealing her stomach. This was way too awkward. She turned off the TV and blushed as Wendy marched into the room, teeth gritted in anger.

"I cannot believe" Wendy fumed, "That you stood me up!"

"I didn't think you were serious!" Kyle snapped, buttoning his coat

"You didn't think I was fucking _serious_!?" Wendy snarled

"No" Kyle shook his head, "I figured Stan and Kenny would go with you"

"TGI Fridays isn't open tonight. The two of them are watching football at Kenny's and you're doing whatever it was you were doing!" Wendy howled, "How COULD you, Kyle?"

"How co-" Kyle blinked, yanking his hat from the floor and putting it on, "What the hell do you mean?"

"I thought you genuinely LIKED me!" Wendy sighed, fists shaking at her sides

"I didn't mean to imply that" Kyle shrugged, "Besides, I kinda like someone else"

"Well, I can bloody well see that!" Wendy rolled her eyes, "I wanted a _friend_!"

"Oh so you weren't actually hitting in me?" Kyle gawped, "You just wanted friends? But then why the sudden interest in us after Stan broke up with you?"

"….I don't know" Wendy sighed, sitting on the couch, chin on her knees, "I… just needed someone to care about me"

"You don't need a boyfriend for someone to give a shit about you" Alex remarked, "we all gave a shit, it's just that you've been acting really desperate"

Wendy blinked, mouth opening and closing as she took in what Alex had said.

"Oh my god" Wendy whispered under her breath, "I should go" with that, she fled down the street, to her home. Before she closed her eyes, under the covers of her bed, she texted Alex a quick favor and fell asleep.

Stan was at the school cafeteria, musing over a serve of fries of mashed potatoes. After shrugging and pointing at the fries for the chef serve him, he jumped when he heard Alex stand beside him, shaking her head at the offer of greasy fries.

"Stan" Alex greeted, "How are you?"

"Better, don't feel as Emo as I did a month ago. Annoyed that the stupid Cows lost last night" Stan shrugged, sucking on a fry from his plate.

"Well, yeah, Me and Kyle saw the game too" Alex nodded, "Wendy came over?"

"Yeah, she had a hissy fit" Stan shrugged, "I don't care. Just don't talk about her anymore, her name makes me want to beat the crap out of stuff"

"Don't you miss her just a tiny bit?" Alex cocked an eyebrow

"Yeah" Stan cleared his throat, "people change. Maybe for the better"

"I guess you're right" Alex shrugged, "I'm going to see a movie tonight, want to join?"

"Hell, why not" Stan smiled, nearly tossing his fries in the air like confetti with joy, "That'd be awesome"

"Sure" Alex turned around walked, Stan in tow, sitting at the main table.

Alex was just about to walk home, down the pavement and around the corner when someone snatched her shoulder, spinning her around.

"Hey" Alex reddened by the dramatic surprise of Stan

"Uh" Stan cleared his throat, "You're really pretty"

Alex didn't thank him, just stared at Stan, not entirely sure why Stan had just made that comment. She couldn't help but notice that Stan still had a hand on her shoulder.

"Um" Alex shifted on her feet, freezing as Stan edged closer, close his eyes and kiss her, hard. Kyle started walking over, angry.

"Get off!" Alex stepped backwards, shoving Stan off, "what the hell!?"

"Dude" Kyle cleared his throat, "What the fuck?"

"What?" Stan cringed, looking confused at his two angry friends

"I know you're wallowing in self pity but that doesn't mean you start becoming a Kenny esk moron who tries to chase other girls!"

"I wasn't trying to!" Stan snapped, glancing over at Alex who hastily wiped her mouth.

"You've been too self involved with your own misery to even notice what goes on around you!" Alex snapped

"No, it's not like that at all" Stan blushed, "I thought- look I just got the wrong signals"

"Jesus, you haven't been signal in a while" Kyle laughed, "It's so obvious"

"Uh, do you want to join me and Alex to the movie tonight?" Stan blinked back embarrassment, "as Friends?"

Alex and Kyle quickly looked at one another and smiled knowingly.

Stan tapped a foot on a step as he waited for Stan and Kyle to arrive. He wasn't sure what to make of today as it was all completely embarrassing. He shrugged to himself, it didn't matter anymore because Wendy's name didn't make Stan want to cry and he was already thinking about other girls. Wendy walked over,a wild smile on her face.

"Hey" Wendy smiled, walking over

"Hi, um, I'm just waiting for friends" Stan turned away

"Stan" Wendy stopped in front of him, "They set you up. I asked them to set you up with me"

"Ugh" Stan was just about to push past Wendy when she slid in front of him

"Let me speak, please" Wendy sighed, "I'm sorry I was an asshole to you occasionally. I can be a controlling bitch and I'm sorry"

"Well, _fantastic_. One month later and you say sorry now?" Stan snapped

"Stan" Wendy sighed, "After a month I've realized, after hanging with myself, how much of a shit I am. I know why you broke up with me and if I were you, I would've dumped my ass on the first date"

"What the hell are you getting at?" Stan snapped, glancing over her shoulder, only to double take as he saw Kenny air gyrate, giving Stan a thumbs up.

"Your friends know you. They wouldn't have done this if they knew this was the right thing"

Wendy turned around, sighing, not seeing Kenny widen his eyes in horror and dive into a dumpster for cover.

"Stan" Wendy said to the road in front of her, "would you take me back?"

Stan smirked at Kenny's sudden dive and tried to cover it by smiling properly.

"Sure" Stan shrugged, jumping as Wendy turned around and hugged him tight, a sigh of relief blowing a strand of hair off his forehead.


End file.
